How Roller Skating can help you develop Confidence, Compassion and Self-Belief

Mel Blackwood
1 hour ago
7 min read

A longer-than-expected essay by Mel Blackwood

I know I'm speaking to the converted here, so feel free to share this post somewhere where someone may just need to hear an expert point of view.

Having put a big emphasis in recent years of developing a deep understanding of how adults learn movement, I've noticed a real disconnect between what we think we want and what we actually need.

We think we need a balanced life and strive to balance our complex responsibilities between work, friendships, family, exercise, mental wellness, rest, healthy diet...

In reality, balance is subjective. Our focus and priorities change according to external pressures and we can feel that we are being pushed through life by these forces. For example, if you are unwell, you are not able to work, possibly not even exercise and instead your focus will be on getting fluids, resting and eating properly.

We think we want to learn to roller skate because it looks like fun, and who doesn't want more fun in their lives? We may begin this activity almost in secret, slightly embarrassed that you, a fully fledged, card carrying adult, is harbouring a secret-skating obsession throughout most of your adult life.

I'm no psychologist, but I have had thousands of conversations with roller skaters who are curious to try for the first time over the last (almost) decade. The results speak volumes about what we are looking for.

The majority of adults over 40 believe they will be the oldest skater in the room.

Actually, we learn that age is a limiting belief that society has put upon us over decades, that certain activities are for adults, others are for children and that once you have passed an arbitary number, it doesn't matter how you feel, childish activities should cease.

I believe there is resistance through joy, power in movement and doing activities to make you feel good.

Some body types are suitable for roller skating and some are not.

The shame some of us carry because our bodies do not look like those portrayed on social media can be so powerful that is prevents some people from even starting. Believing we are too clumsy, will fall frequently and become injured are other common concerns - all completely understandable.

I believe that roller skating will help you to heal and accept parts of yourself that you may have been avoiding.

It has for me, although it took many many years and I needed professional support from a therapist to learn how to reflect.

This is one of the biggest breakthroughs I've made in recent years. I believe that roller skating teaches us HOW to take up more space in a very physical sense. Unless you are a movement based practitioner, having followed many years of study - an athlete, a dancer, a pilates practitioner - you are unlikely to have understanding of how your body functions at a subconscious level. I know because I didn't know either. As a primary teacher, I was trying to get through every day doing my best for everyone around me and totally forgot to put any energy into myself. Pleasing my family and friends, making them happy made me happy and proud I was doing a good job. If you're a people pleaser, I urge you not to give all your energy away.

Learning that taking time for your own hobbies and interests, continuing to cultivate your own personality actually makes you continue to be interesting and fun. You know what you want and what you enjoy.

Anyway, back to the HOW. At the very start - you will probably have heard we want you to 'waddle like a penguin' where your feet are in a V stance and you wobble from side to side. This is very different to walking. Try both on the spot - do you notice how you are physically taking up more space when you waddle? Does it make you feel uncomfortable? I think this is where it gets really interesting.

The Discomfort of Learning to Roller Skate

Some people find learning to roller skate so uncomfortable - they are terrible at it, they are embarrassed when they fall, they are too scared of falling and so cannot relax - so they give up, believing roller skating is not for them.

BUT STAY WITH THE DISCOMFORT AND MAGIC HAPPENS

After a while, your body relaxes, you can actually waddle and the fear of serious injury goes away - why?

Your body is initially flooded with stress hormones, triggering your fight, flight, freeze response. In this emotional state, you are poised to flee, often throwing your weight back (you'll see this with a startle reflex) and falling backwards too. I'm sorry to say almost every skater falls backwards - wow it's painful - bumsaver pads for the win!

Your body is moving in a way it has NEVER moved before. Think about it - when was the last time you waddled through the aisle's of Lidl? Oh what? Never? Your body doesn't know what is going on and is filtering for danger. The problem, of course, is that you have tied that danger to your feet! Telling yourself to calm down doesn't work, as you've probably lost the function of the parasympathetic nervous system (the rest and digest feeling). Instead we need to demonstrate to your body that it is safe.

In our classes, we teach skaters to keep breathing and touch their knees every couple of pushes. If you're practising by yourself, I'd recommend listening to music and gently tapping your knees (without looking) every few pushes. It's important to do this slowly. Slow, signifies control - even if you're not feeling it - you'll regulate your nervous system more quickly.

As you continue to build roller skate experience, you'll learn one day realise that the initial 'wobbly' feeling is no longer there - why? Because your body has enough evidence now that roller skating doesn't mean injury (where the body would then have to send resources to heal) so you are able to relax. Your muscles understand that the action of skating is different to the action of walking, that you move in a different way, and that you have some control. You probably no longer have to think 'waddle, waddle, waddle, bend knees' you'll just skate.

How long does it take though?

Ahhh, the ultimate question. This is highly contextual, based on you.

Have you ever skated before? Ice skating or roller skating as a child will help you feel confident more quickly, though it will feel different as your body is different.
Have you every been injured through skating, or know someone who was? You may believe that you will also be injured, so your body's self protective mechanism will be to scare you silly until you take the skates off.
Are you marginalised in some way? If you feel unimportant or have mini daily battles in other areas of your life, taking up space may not feel safe to your body and your body will resist. This may look like you are not transferring your weight properly on roller skates.

Question for reflection: How much healing do you have to do?

One you decide that you are READY to take up space, it's easier.

Once you decide that you may be injured, but by learning to fall safely and attending classes, you'll be fine.

And once you accept that your centre of gravity is different now, you can start to learn to control the wheels based on the body you are now in, not a memory of times gone by.

Speaking to yourself in a compassionate way is ESSENTIAL when you are teaching your muscles to do something you have never done before. This is especially difficult if you're used to minimising your achievements as you will totally fail to recognise exactly how unique and amazing you are.

Question for reflection: Can you take a compliment? Do you minimise it? If someone says "I like your hair", do you say, "Well I brushed it today" or "It really needs a wash"? Instead, breathe deeply and say THANK YOU. That's it. Smile. Appreciate what they said - it's true.

Now think about a skill like writing - how many years did you spend learning to write? Controlling all the tiny muscles in your hand and wrist, from picking up a stick and making marks, to a crayon, pencil and a pen? Yet you're expecting your body to learn a brand new way of moving in just a few weeks or maybe even less? Harsh bb!

After your skate session, think about all the things that are brand new to you - was the instructor the same? Have you been to that space before? Were there movement covered that are new to you? Celebrate all the things. It's weird because it feels so slow, but you are building the essential foundations.

I believe that EVERYBODY can learn to roller skate, but depending on your current situation, you will have a different path to navigate. That is why I was keen to develop a personalised, trauma-informed approach. The (mostly) women I coach privately are in their mid-40s and beyond, looking to rekindle some joy from youth and put themselves first for a change. Imagine how much permission this gives younger people in your life - we've all heard people talk about self-care, but actually doing it? Not so many!

And why do I keep banging on about developing confidence? Because you cannot contain the confidence you develop. You will carry it with you everywhere.

From a physiological point of view, when you put roller skates on, you are having an immediate growth spurt. You world view is literally higher, along with your centre of gravity. This is yet another reason that bending your knees is essential to regulate your nervous system, it's bringing your eye level back down to somewhere you're used to. As discussed, after a while, you get used to / accept that this higher world view is the new normal and you relax. When you take your skates off, you may find yourself walking taller, as your body tries to find the higher world view again. You are, literally, walking taller! Walking taller, looking where you are going, oozes confidence. As you move around your regular life, this confidence has the power to keep you safer.

And I've barely scratched the surface about how you'll meet people who are aligned with the same values you have who will become some of your closest friends - and you may have not met them yet.

I'm wrapping up this essay with a final video -if you want to hear my deep dive thoughts about the nervous system in even more detail, its all here.